The Floridiot Files

It's Not Even Halloween Yet

The group of armed robbers have been hitting Tampa pawn shops lately seems to have an odd penchant for costumes. The crew has disguised itself with such items as surgical scrubs and masks, and on other occasions has worn child safety seats and beauticians sinks on their heads as masks.

TampaBay.com, which has the story complete with video, poses the question "Whatever happened to ski masks?" It seems pretty obvious why they wouldn't want to wear a hot sweaty mask at the peak of a Florida summer. But why a beautician's sink or a child safety seat? Your guess is as good as ours.

Mug Shot of the Week

Meet Sean Roberts. Do you think you’d recognize him if you saw him again?

7339_072009seanrobertsmug.jpg

Well, thanks to the Florida tattoo on his face, the victims of his home invasion robbery did, and had no trouble identifying him from a photo. Roberts and his partner in the crime were soon arrested. By the way, in addition to the Florida tattoo, he has another on his head (not visible in this photo) that reads “Crazy Cracker”.

I really think this guy was at a disadvantage being a Floridian. Think about it... a tiny Rhode Island tattoo probably wouldn’t have been noticed and he might have gotten away with the crime!

Full story at Tampa Bay Online.

Assault and Beater-y?

In this story from Tampa Bay Online, we learn of an interesting home invasion. Two armed men burst into a Plant City home. One displayed a pistol, while the other held a knife to the resident’s throat and demanded... an egg beater. Yes, an egg beater. From the sounds of the story, not even an electric one. The homeowner apparently decided that all in all he’d rather not risk his life over a kitchen aid and coughed up the beater, but the crooks’ victory was short-lived as they were nabbed less than an hour later.

Plant City residents, if we find out their eventual parole date we’ll be sure to let you know so you can lock up your mixers.

Pizza Self Defense

After the recent spree of attacks using food, it’s nice to see food used for self defense:

When a customer pulled a gun on Eric Lopez Devictoria this week, the Pizza Hut deliveryman fought back with the only thing at hand.A large, steaming hot pepperoni pie.Fearing for his life, Devictoria, 40, lobbed the pizza at the armed man who had ordered him inside a Miramar residence in the 1900 block of Acapulco Drive before 1 p.m. Wednesday, police said.


It bought him time to run away and call police, thought at least one shot was fired at him. The robbers were later caught.

Cross Dressing Purse Snatcher caught

From TCPalm, a followup to this earlier item:

PORT ST. LUCIE — A cross-dressing robber accused of snatching a 74-year-old woman's purse in St. Lucie West in September before a faux breast popped out of his tube top was arrested Friday as he sat in the Orange County jail, a sergeant said Monday.
[...]
"I started screaming, saying the woman had stolen my purse, and (a witness) said, 'That wasn't a woman,'" Fournier recalled. "I said, 'Are you sure,' and she said 'I'm positive,' she said, 'See what fell out of the top of his blouse.'"

The fashion police are also investigating

Pay particular attention to the description of the perp in the last paragraph.

From TCPalm:

PORT ST. LUCIE — A cross-dressing robber snatched a 74-year-old woman's purse in St. Lucie West on Tuesday before a faux breast popped out of his tube top, according to a police report released Thursday.

The alleged female-impersonating robber then hopped into a four-door silver getaway car occupied by possibly two other men in drag and sped off, leaving the victim and the faux breast — a water-filled condom in a white gym sock — at the scene.

"We're processing the condom for latent prints," said Officer Robert Vega, police spokesman.

The victim was pushed to the ground and sustained minor injuries in the incident at the Sears on St. Lucie West Boulevard.

Police also recovered two hairs on the sock that might be chest hairs. Investigators are submitting them for DNA analysis.

The assailant wore a short jean skirt, tube top and white flip-flops, weighs 130 to 140 pounds and is of thin build. He sported shoulder-length hair with maroon hair attachments in a dreadlocks style.

In the beginning, there was stupid.

I've been noticing for a while that a lot of the "stupid criminals" news stories seem originate in this state. I started cataloging some of these items on my personal blog, but there were so many stories it was taking over, so I decided to start a dedicated blog. Please share any items you find!

To kick things off, two classics from my blog:

First there is this one out of Ocala, FL, where a bank robber used his own personal check, with his name on it, as a robbery note.

Second, and the best I've seen in quite some time, is this story (be sure to watch the video), from Deland, FL where a guy tries to use a dried up palm frond as a weapon to rob a convenience store. Besides the hilarious dialogue, weird gestures (I like the way he shakes his hand "Hey!" when the clerk touches him), putting his shirt over his head like the Bazooka Joe character, and the fact that he is shooed out with a stool, the funniest thing is of course his choice of weapon. Someone pointed out to me that even doing the old "my hand in my jacket pocket is a gun" routine would have worked better, which is a good point. I think it says something about your skills as a robber when you choose to intimidate using a real "weapon" that is less effective than an imaginary one.