The Floridiot Files

Driving with Unbelievable Irony?

According to a FOX 35 Orlando story, the former president of the Gainesville area chapter of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving was arrested for drunk driving, scoring over .23 on a breathalyzer test, almost three times the legal limit.

The Case of the Haunted Sinuses

A group of three teens and two juveniles robbed a central Florida home, stealing electronics, jewelry, and the ashes of a cremated person and two dogs.

Why steal cremated remains? According to the Sheriff's Department:

During the investigation, detectives learned that the ashes were taken because the suspects mistook the ashes for either cocaine or heroin. It was soon discovered that the suspects snorted some of the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine.


Were they already high on something, or just incredibly, incredibly stupid? Your guess is as good as ours.

CNN has the full story

In the beginning, there was stupid.

I've been noticing for a while that a lot of the "stupid criminals" news stories seem originate in this state. I started cataloging some of these items on my personal blog, but there were so many stories it was taking over, so I decided to start a dedicated blog. Please share any items you find!

To kick things off, two classics from my blog:

First there is this one out of Ocala, FL, where a bank robber used his own personal check, with his name on it, as a robbery note.

Second, and the best I've seen in quite some time, is this story (be sure to watch the video), from Deland, FL where a guy tries to use a dried up palm frond as a weapon to rob a convenience store. Besides the hilarious dialogue, weird gestures (I like the way he shakes his hand "Hey!" when the clerk touches him), putting his shirt over his head like the Bazooka Joe character, and the fact that he is shooed out with a stool, the funniest thing is of course his choice of weapon. Someone pointed out to me that even doing the old "my hand in my jacket pocket is a gun" routine would have worked better, which is a good point. I think it says something about your skills as a robber when you choose to intimidate using a real "weapon" that is less effective than an imaginary one.