The Floridiot Files

Nude Sausage Burglar Strikes Retirement Community

A man in Lee county has been charged with breaking into a retirement community's clubhouse and stealing sausage and other items while nude. When residents discovered their sausage missing, they went to surveillance camera footage and discovered this:

It wasn't all bad. One community resident was quoted as saying, "You know, when you get to 55-plus you don't get a whole lot of excitement, so this is great!"

Story here.

Shoplifter Run Over by Own Getaway Car... Twice!

Regarding this story:

CAPE CORAL, Fla. — Authorities are looking for a shoplifter who was run over twice by her getaway car after stealing $1,200 worth of designer purses from a Cape Coral store.

A T.J. Maxx security guard told police she saw a woman stuff six designer Dooney & Bourke purses into her pants Tuesday morning and walk out of the store. [...]

A report says the shoplifter tried to get into the vehicle but fell out and was run over by the car. She then got up and jumped onto the hood of the car. As the car was driving away, the report says the woman fell off and was run over again. On her third attempt, she finally made it into the vehicle.

Maybe the extra padding from all those purses stuffed in her pants prevented serious injury?