The Floridiot Files


Eeeney, Meeney, Miney, Lawsuit!

Via the excellent and always interesting blog Futility Closet, when lawyers are acting like children, one judge found a simple solution: treat them like children!

In 2006, exasperated when the parties to Avista Management v. Wausau Underwriters could not agree on the site for a deposition, federal judge Gregory Presnell of the Middle District of Florida scheduled a unique resolution on the steps of a Tampa courthouse:

Each lawyer shall be entitled to be accompanied by one paralegal who shall act as an attendant and witness. At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one game of ‘rock, paper, scissors.’ The winner of this engagement shall be entitled to select the location for the 30(b)(6) deposition to be held somewhere in Hillsborough County during the period July 11–12, 2006.

No word on who won, and how. "Paper covers rock" might have been the basis for an appeal -- that one never seemed like a convincing victory to me (why not "rock punches through paper"?)

See also:
Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

No Parking Here

I hope the pickup's owner has good insurance... this Ferarri model starts at $277,124.

It's Not Even Halloween Yet

The group of armed robbers have been hitting Tampa pawn shops lately seems to have an odd penchant for costumes. The crew has disguised itself with such items as surgical scrubs and masks, and on other occasions has worn child safety seats and beauticians sinks on their heads as masks., which has the story complete with video, poses the question "Whatever happened to ski masks?" It seems pretty obvious why they wouldn't want to wear a hot sweaty mask at the peak of a Florida summer. But why a beautician's sink or a child safety seat? Your guess is as good as ours.

Worst tryst cover story ever?

Pasted Graphic

In what may be the worst cover story ever for cheating on a spouse, Pastor Wikler Moran-Mora of the International Missionary Society of the Seventh Day Adventist Reform Movement text messaged his wife that he had been kidnapped. She eventually called the cops, who found him with the other woman.

"If your cover story results in a full-scale police manhunt, discovery of the affair, and charges of filing a false police report... you might be a Floridiot."

Story at ABC Action News.

We're flush with pride!

The winners are in for the America’s Best Bathroom competition and we’re proud to say that Florida placed twice in the top ten best bathrooms this year. That’s right, when it comes to numbers 1 and 2, we’re numbers 7 and 8! The Tampa Theatre and NOVA 535 in St. Petersburg made the finalists round because of their restroom’s “exceptional hygiene, style and open access to the public”.

Mug Shot of the Week


Charge: DUI
Hillsborough County

You have the right to remain silent.... but it won’t help much while wearing that shirt.

Story at News4Jax

Mug Shot of the Week

Meet Sean Roberts. Do you think you’d recognize him if you saw him again?


Well, thanks to the Florida tattoo on his face, the victims of his home invasion robbery did, and had no trouble identifying him from a photo. Roberts and his partner in the crime were soon arrested. By the way, in addition to the Florida tattoo, he has another on his head (not visible in this photo) that reads “Crazy Cracker”.

I really think this guy was at a disadvantage being a Floridian. Think about it... a tiny Rhode Island tattoo probably wouldn’t have been noticed and he might have gotten away with the crime!

Full story at Tampa Bay Online.

Mug Shot of the Week


Charge: DUI
Hillsborough County


Assault and Beater-y?

In this story from Tampa Bay Online, we learn of an interesting home invasion. Two armed men burst into a Plant City home. One displayed a pistol, while the other held a knife to the resident’s throat and demanded... an egg beater. Yes, an egg beater. From the sounds of the story, not even an electric one. The homeowner apparently decided that all in all he’d rather not risk his life over a kitchen aid and coughed up the beater, but the crooks’ victory was short-lived as they were nabbed less than an hour later.

Plant City residents, if we find out their eventual parole date we’ll be sure to let you know so you can lock up your mixers.