The Floridiot Files

Nude Sausage Burglar Strikes Retirement Community

A man in Lee county has been charged with breaking into a retirement community's clubhouse and stealing sausage and other items while nude. When residents discovered their sausage missing, they went to surveillance camera footage and discovered this:

It wasn't all bad. One community resident was quoted as saying, "You know, when you get to 55-plus you don't get a whole lot of excitement, so this is great!"

Story here.

The Case of the Haunted Sinuses

A group of three teens and two juveniles robbed a central Florida home, stealing electronics, jewelry, and the ashes of a cremated person and two dogs.

Why steal cremated remains? According to the Sheriff's Department:

During the investigation, detectives learned that the ashes were taken because the suspects mistook the ashes for either cocaine or heroin. It was soon discovered that the suspects snorted some of the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine.

Were they already high on something, or just incredibly, incredibly stupid? Your guess is as good as ours.

CNN has the full story

Drunk Burglar Held at Gunpoint by 91-year-old Naked Man

The headline pretty much covers it. Full story here.

Mug Shot of the Week


Charge: Burglary with Assault or Battery
Pasco County

I chose this one because Cathy’s friendly smiling face seems a bit incongruous with the crime. I would have guessed Running a Bake Sale without a Food Vendor’s License, or somesuch...

Actually, the photo almost looks like it could have come off a Real Estate Agent’s flyer.... Cathy W! #1 agent on the West Side!

Though, come to think of it with the market the way it is, she could be a realtor that turned to a life of crime...

Nice Try: Avoiding Probation Violation

Problem: only after giving a urine sample at the probation office do you realize that it will test positive for drugs and you’ll be violated back to prison.

Solution: steal a fridge full of urine!

Problem #2: you cut yourself on the window you broke to get in and steal the fridge.

Solution #2: Steal the bloody broken glass too, and the set fire to the shrubs underneath the window do destroy any evidence that might have gotten on them.

Unfortunately for Devin Perry, who cooked up this scheme, there were only so many samples in the fridge and thus a short list of suspects. When police got to his house they found the bloody shards of glass in the trash, so he managed to add arson, destroying evidence, burglary and larceny charges to his probation violation.

Full story from The Gainesville Sun.