The Floridiot Files

A Heated Argument... Har Har!

A Ft. Lauderdale area women, who admitted being in a "heated verbal argument" with her boyfriend, has been arrested on assault charges for allegedly setting the crotch of his pants on fire while he slept. The man, who reported awakening to a "burning sensation," was unharmed.

(I guess there is no such charge as "trouser arson"?)

Story

Please give notice if you intend to die

This is a bit of an oldie, but a goodie...

A Ft. Lauderdale landlord claimed that by dropping dead of a heart attack without giving 60 days advance notice, tenant Art Zissen broke his lease and owed 3 months rent, which the landlord tried to collect from Art's family. Story at All Headline News.

Seems a little greedy to us, but I guess if a dead man can have parental rights, maybe he can owe rent too?

Kelly Hildebrandt to wed Kelly Hildebrandt

Next month in a ceremony in Lighthouse Point, Kelly Hildebrandt will marry Kelly Hildebrandt.

One of them is a 20 year old woman from Coral Springs, Florida, the other a 24 year old man from Texas. She-Kelly discovered He-Kelley on social networking site Facebook. One thing led to another and they fell in love. The couple feels their relationship was meant to be.

However, their name hasn't been without problems. The couple told WTVJ that they can't tell whose mail is whose, and told the AP that one of their cruise tickets was almost canceled when an agent thought it was a duplicate booking.

Dead Man to get Parental Rights Back?

The Miami Herald Reports:

A Broward father lost all rights to his daughter after being declared an unfit dad. Now he is dead, and a court is reconsidering whether to restore his parental rights.


Reached by TFF for comment on the story, the father was quoted as saying,
“RRAAAWRR! BRAAAINS!”

Pizza Self Defense

After the recent spree of attacks using food, it’s nice to see food used for self defense:

When a customer pulled a gun on Eric Lopez Devictoria this week, the Pizza Hut deliveryman fought back with the only thing at hand.A large, steaming hot pepperoni pie.Fearing for his life, Devictoria, 40, lobbed the pizza at the armed man who had ordered him inside a Miramar residence in the 1900 block of Acapulco Drive before 1 p.m. Wednesday, police said.


It bought him time to run away and call police, thought at least one shot was fired at him. The robbers were later caught.

Man Steals Hearse During Funeral

Highlights of this story:

  • Man steals a hearse during a funeral
  • Takes it to his house and asks relatives if they want a ride
  • On the way back to the funeral home, gets involved in a police pursuit
  • Drives towards an officer, who shoots him in the leg
  • Returns the car to the funeral home before the service ends
  • He is then arrested

I think getting involved in a police chase and then shot by police while returning a stolen vehicle is what really makes this one classic!

No word on how the funeral proceeded after that (with the addition of a bullet hole in the hearse?)