The Floridiot Files

Eeeney, Meeney, Miney, Lawsuit!

Via the excellent and always interesting blog Futility Closet, when lawyers are acting like children, one judge found a simple solution: treat them like children!

In 2006, exasperated when the parties to Avista Management v. Wausau Underwriters could not agree on the site for a deposition, federal judge Gregory Presnell of the Middle District of Florida scheduled a unique resolution on the steps of a Tampa courthouse:


Each lawyer shall be entitled to be accompanied by one paralegal who shall act as an attendant and witness. At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one game of ‘rock, paper, scissors.’ The winner of this engagement shall be entitled to select the location for the 30(b)(6) deposition to be held somewhere in Hillsborough County during the period July 11–12, 2006.

No word on who won, and how. "Paper covers rock" might have been the basis for an appeal -- that one never seemed like a convincing victory to me (why not "rock punches through paper"?)

See also:
Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

Professor Arrested for Having "Suspicious" Bagel on Plane

According to a NBC 6 Miami story, a University of North Florida mathematics and statistics professor was arrested and removed from a US Airways flight for having a suspicious package -- which turned out to be a hat, some keys, and a bagel with cream cheese. When confronted, he refused to hang up his cell phone, and was arrested on charges of disorderly conduct and interfering with the operation of an aircraft.

Remember, if you see something, say something. You could stop the next bagel-carrying professor!

Though personally, we think it was just a schmear campaign...

Sometimes You Just Gotta Dance!

A woman and her daughter driving in Palm Beach Gardens reported a man naked except for a black tank top standing by the side of the road, twirling around "like a ballerina".

On his arrest, the man told police he had only pulled his pants down for a short time. Perhaps it was easier to twirl without them?

Story

Band-aids? For $500 you should at least get duct tape!

An old story from FAIL BLOG:

129193759175161183

Drunk Driving Quiz

Story
Imagine you have been caught driving with a blood alcohol level five times the legal limit. When stopped by a sheriff's deputy, do you:
  1. Take another swig of vodka, kindly poured for you by your passenger
  2. Try to hide under the deputy's cruiser
  3. Try to bite the deputy
Trick question! As a Floridiot, the correct answer is "All of the Above".

Fully story at WPTV

Please give notice if you intend to die

This is a bit of an oldie, but a goodie...

A Ft. Lauderdale landlord claimed that by dropping dead of a heart attack without giving 60 days advance notice, tenant Art Zissen broke his lease and owed 3 months rent, which the landlord tried to collect from Art's family. Story at All Headline News.

Seems a little greedy to us, but I guess if a dead man can have parental rights, maybe he can owe rent too?