The Floridiot Files

Food Attack Crime Wave Spreads!

You’ll remember from this story that city of Port St. Lucie recently had two separate incidents of assaults committed using sandwiches. Well, we’re sorry to report that this crime wave is spreading -- both geographically and in terms of cuisine.

The Daytona Beach News-Journal reports that a Deltona teen has now been charged with domestic battery after hitting his mother with a taco. So please, be careful out there. Remain vigilant against food attacks.

Mug Shot of the Week


Charge: Warrant for Failure To Appear, for Failure to Attach Animal License
Pasco County

Usually I pick a mug shot because I find the picture funny (or scary), but I picked this one not for the picture but the charge. Who gets arrested over dog tags, seriously? How do you let that situation escalate to the point that a bench warrant is issued for your arrest?

Shoplifter Run Over by Own Getaway Car... Twice!

Regarding this story:

CAPE CORAL, Fla. — Authorities are looking for a shoplifter who was run over twice by her getaway car after stealing $1,200 worth of designer purses from a Cape Coral store.

A T.J. Maxx security guard told police she saw a woman stuff six designer Dooney & Bourke purses into her pants Tuesday morning and walk out of the store. [...]

A report says the shoplifter tried to get into the vehicle but fell out and was run over by the car. She then got up and jumped onto the hood of the car. As the car was driving away, the report says the woman fell off and was run over again. On her third attempt, she finally made it into the vehicle.

Maybe the extra padding from all those purses stuffed in her pants prevented serious injury?

BOLO: Overweight Ninja ATM Thief

According to the AP, via the Sun Sentinel, the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office is looking for an heavyset, potbellied man who twice tried (and failed) to steal automated teller machines while dressed as a Ninja.

Recycle Your Sex Toys

A Wesley Chapel sex toy shop owner recently launched a new business, recycling:

The rubber and plastics will be transformed into park benches, playground mulch and decorative yard fixtures, Kowalsky said. [...]

Several recycling and environmental organizations, including the Florida Department of Environmental Protection, did not want to comment on Kowalsky's effort because of the nature of the products. Off the record, the groups' reps said they hadn't heard of any other sex toy recycling programs in the country. [...]

"This can't be serious," said Jennifer Seney, recycling coordinator for Pasco County. "It's certainly not recyclable material in my book."

Full story here.

Mug Shot of the Week


Charge: Burglary with Assault or Battery
Pasco County

I chose this one because Cathy’s friendly smiling face seems a bit incongruous with the crime. I would have guessed Running a Bake Sale without a Food Vendor’s License, or somesuch...

Actually, the photo almost looks like it could have come off a Real Estate Agent’s flyer.... Cathy W! #1 agent on the West Side!

Though, come to think of it with the market the way it is, she could be a realtor that turned to a life of crime...

Nice Try: Getting out of a Traffic Stop

Problem: you’re a felon in possession of a gun, driving around on a suspended license, and you’re about to be stopped by police.

Solution: why, just call in an armed robbery a few blocks away, and the police will leave to answer it!

Unfortunately it didn’t work out so well for this guy. Another unit saw him ditch his car (leaving the engine running and his gun behind, under some Cheetos). They found him and eventually connected him with the 911 call, so his ruse only managed to add “Misuse of 911” and “obstruction” to his charges.

Plop-Plop the Emu Tasered

An older story, but too good to pass up:

An Emu named Plop-Plop escaped from a farm in Panama City and then “went crazy”. Deputies tasered the bird to get it under control. Plop-Plop made a full recovery.

This was the only Emu tasered in Florida this year, as far as I know, but not the only one in the country. Less than two weeks later, another Emu (name not given) was tasered by Pennsylvania State Police officers after a two hour attempt to catch the bird, who was running along eastbound lanes of the turnpike near Pittsburg causing all sorts of traffic problems. That Emu didn’t survive the jolt.

Breaking News! Fidel Castro Arrested in Miami!

...for driving on a permanently suspended driver’s license.

Castro was arrested Friday about 1:31 a.m. in a white Ford pickup truck on Southwest 23rd Street and 34th Avenue.

OK, so it’s not that Fidel Castro. This one is only 32 years old, and does not wear a beard or track suit. According to the Herald article:

At least 33 Fidel Castros with different dates of birth have been arrested in Miami-Dade over the decades, jail records show. The charges range from petty theft to cocaine possession to racketeering

Mystery Shoes Clog Expressway

Thousands of used shoes mysteriously appeared covering a half mile of Miami highway during rush hour this morning. The police are not sure where the shoes came from -- no signs of a crash, and nobody has claimed them. A private contractor brought in a front end loader and a dump truck to clear them. It took almost two hours to clear the road, and traffic backed up more than a mile at one point.

Story here and here.

My theory? Bungled arms shipment to militant anti-Bush journalists.

Pizza Self Defense

After the recent spree of attacks using food, it’s nice to see food used for self defense:

When a customer pulled a gun on Eric Lopez Devictoria this week, the Pizza Hut deliveryman fought back with the only thing at hand.A large, steaming hot pepperoni pie.Fearing for his life, Devictoria, 40, lobbed the pizza at the armed man who had ordered him inside a Miramar residence in the 1900 block of Acapulco Drive before 1 p.m. Wednesday, police said.

It bought him time to run away and call police, thought at least one shot was fired at him. The robbers were later caught.