The Floridiot Files

We're flush with pride!

The winners are in for the America’s Best Bathroom competition and we’re proud to say that Florida placed twice in the top ten best bathrooms this year. That’s right, when it comes to numbers 1 and 2, we’re numbers 7 and 8! The Tampa Theatre and NOVA 535 in St. Petersburg made the finalists round because of their restroom’s “exceptional hygiene, style and open access to the public”.

Nice Try: Avoiding Probation Violation

Problem: only after giving a urine sample at the probation office do you realize that it will test positive for drugs and you’ll be violated back to prison.

Solution: steal a fridge full of urine!

Problem #2: you cut yourself on the window you broke to get in and steal the fridge.

Solution #2: Steal the bloody broken glass too, and the set fire to the shrubs underneath the window do destroy any evidence that might have gotten on them.

Unfortunately for Devin Perry, who cooked up this scheme, there were only so many samples in the fridge and thus a short list of suspects. When police got to his house they found the bloody shards of glass in the trash, so he managed to add arson, destroying evidence, burglary and larceny charges to his probation violation.

Full story from The Gainesville Sun.

Mug Shot of the Week

13811941

Charge: DUI
Hillsborough County

You have the right to remain silent.... but it won’t help much while wearing that shirt.

Story at News4Jax

Not Actually a Crime

According to a story in Florida Today, for three months a Melbourne, FL woman changed the diapers of and fed bottles to a man in his 40s, believing him to be mentally disabled, only to find out he was a fake. After answering a posting on Craigslist by a man asking for assistance taking care of his disabled brother, Janet Schulte accepted the $600-a-week job, but after three months discovered that the job poster and the “brother” were one and the same. Police say no crime has been committed as the woman voluntarily accepted the job and was paid for the service.

This apparently is not the first time the man has indulged in this... er... infantile behavior. After posting a warning on Craigslist, according to another story at ClickOrlando, Ms. Schulte received seven responses from other women who had been duped!

Dead Man to get Parental Rights Back?

The Miami Herald Reports:

A Broward father lost all rights to his daughter after being declared an unfit dad. Now he is dead, and a court is reconsidering whether to restore his parental rights.


Reached by TFF for comment on the story, the father was quoted as saying,
“RRAAAWRR! BRAAAINS!”

Mug Shot of the Week

0714051dui1

Charge: DUI
Hillsborough County

Classy.

Part of a Schmear Campaign?

Yet another case of food as a weapon, though the motive is unknown. A St. Pete woman who was already on probation was charged with battery after hitting a man in the head with a bagel.

Alas there are few details in the story from tampabay.com.

Nice Try: Blame the Cat

Problem: you’ve been charged with possession of child pornography after more than 1000 such images are found on your computer.

Solution: Blame the cat!

According to this Sun Sentinel story, a defendant told detectives he found “strange material downloaded” after his cat jumped on his keyboard while he was out of the room. For 1000 images, that cat must have done a LOT of jumping. No word on wether police have interviewed the cat.

Mug Shot of the Week

Meet Sean Roberts. Do you think you’d recognize him if you saw him again?

7339_072009seanrobertsmug.jpg

Well, thanks to the Florida tattoo on his face, the victims of his home invasion robbery did, and had no trouble identifying him from a photo. Roberts and his partner in the crime were soon arrested. By the way, in addition to the Florida tattoo, he has another on his head (not visible in this photo) that reads “Crazy Cracker”.

I really think this guy was at a disadvantage being a Floridian. Think about it... a tiny Rhode Island tattoo probably wouldn’t have been noticed and he might have gotten away with the crime!

Full story at Tampa Bay Online.

Assault and Beater-y?

In this story from Tampa Bay Online, we learn of an interesting home invasion. Two armed men burst into a Plant City home. One displayed a pistol, while the other held a knife to the resident’s throat and demanded... an egg beater. Yes, an egg beater. From the sounds of the story, not even an electric one. The homeowner apparently decided that all in all he’d rather not risk his life over a kitchen aid and coughed up the beater, but the crooks’ victory was short-lived as they were nabbed less than an hour later.

Plant City residents, if we find out their eventual parole date we’ll be sure to let you know so you can lock up your mixers.

Weight Watchers demonstrator shoplifts cupcakes

What is it with Port St. Lucie and food?

fail owned pwned pictures
Hat tip to Fail Blog for this one.

Full story at TCPalm.