The Floridiot Files

Wheelchair Mayhem

I think of this story as being kind of like the movie Duel, except the chases happen at 3mph, with an electric whirring sound...

As reported by TCPalm, Harry Lee Gray, left, of Ft. Pierce has been arrested on misdemeanor battery and criminal mischief charges after a bicyclist reported to police that Gray had chased her around a parking lot with his electric wheelchair on three consecutive days, crashing into her. Once he picked up the bike and slammed it to the ground, according to eyewitnesses.

No motive for the attacks was given, but the police report notes that Gray appeared to be intoxicated at the time of arrest.

Bible Study Brawl

According to this story from WJHG, Heidi Rhodes, left, was arrested after a women's Bible study meeting turned ugly. Deputies responded to a fight in progress between Rhodes and another woman. Rhodes' version of the events (which according to deputies was vague, rambling, and inconsistent with witness reports -- and which she was nearly too drunk to tell) was that the other woman attacked her due to a phone call about a dog roaming the neighborhood (huh?).

The alternate version of events, supported by witnesses, is that the other women told Rhodes to leave after Rhodes started to light a marijuana cigarette, leading to an argument and altercation in which Rhodes punched the other woman, giving her a bloody nose.

Eeeney, Meeney, Miney, Lawsuit!

Via the excellent and always interesting blog Futility Closet, when lawyers are acting like children, one judge found a simple solution: treat them like children!

In 2006, exasperated when the parties to Avista Management v. Wausau Underwriters could not agree on the site for a deposition, federal judge Gregory Presnell of the Middle District of Florida scheduled a unique resolution on the steps of a Tampa courthouse:

Each lawyer shall be entitled to be accompanied by one paralegal who shall act as an attendant and witness. At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one game of ‘rock, paper, scissors.’ The winner of this engagement shall be entitled to select the location for the 30(b)(6) deposition to be held somewhere in Hillsborough County during the period July 11–12, 2006.

No word on who won, and how. "Paper covers rock" might have been the basis for an appeal -- that one never seemed like a convincing victory to me (why not "rock punches through paper"?)

See also:
Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

Nude Sausage Burglar Strikes Retirement Community

A man in Lee county has been charged with breaking into a retirement community's clubhouse and stealing sausage and other items while nude. When residents discovered their sausage missing, they went to surveillance camera footage and discovered this:

It wasn't all bad. One community resident was quoted as saying, "You know, when you get to 55-plus you don't get a whole lot of excitement, so this is great!"

Story here.

Driving with Unbelievable Irony?

According to a FOX 35 Orlando story, the former president of the Gainesville area chapter of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving was arrested for drunk driving, scoring over .23 on a breathalyzer test, almost three times the legal limit.